First of all, guys, this shit has GOT to stop. Black Friday lasts a whole week now? Cyber Monday? It's like, are we even human beings anymore? What happened to good, old fashioned having your dad pay full price for stuff you didn't need but wanted? I mean, seriously.... It's as if we don't fucking care what we buy online anymore. WHAT HAPPENED TO CUSTOMER/EMPLOYEE INTERACTION??? Remember the days when you knew what you were buying?
Let me explain:
I'm at a party last weekend at Mark's parent's cabin in New Hampshire. I don't know, it's fine, I guess. It kind of bugged me how much he talked it up in the Facebook event. Like, Oh, "If you're staying, don't worry! There will be enough beds to go around..." OK, Mark! A fucking Trundle bed doesn't fucking count. Nobody wants to sleep on a fucking pull out shelf underneath a bed that someone's already sleeping on!
The last time I slept on a Trundle bed, Kim got up to pee in the middle of the night and stepped on my face and shattered my fucking nose. And like, I'm not the type who's gonna be all, Oh I blame you or whatever. That's just not the kind of person I am. So I kinda just let it slide. I'm in her bathroom with blood gushing out my nose and I can feel all the loose bones in my face but I'm playing it off like, Wow these decorative soaps are super interesting!
Then she's all, You sure you don't need a band-aid? And honestly, like, that really fucking offended me. I'm honestly such an independent person. Like, if I needed a band-aid I'd, like, legit just go get one. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've known her since we were in diapers and shit, but honestly it just really fucking offends me how she is sometimes. But I honestly love that bitch to pieces.
So we're at Mark's party and like, some guy starts shouting like, "I bet no one will eat this raw hamburger I found in the garage fridge!" And I'm like, honestly, like, super tired at this point. I like, NEED to be up tomorrow but I'm like, legit, I've, like, DONE that before. He's like, "Yeah, well was there this much freezer burn on it?!" And then he's like going around gathering money from everyone to get me to eat it. I'm thinking like, Um, OK dude. I have and would've done that shit for free and this dude's like, trying to buy my love? Like, literally I'm looking for a MAN. Not a BOY, ya know? It's just like, what happened to manners and chivalry? Like, not that I would even like fucking want a guy to pay for my dinner, because honestly like, if I'm on a date I'm legit always paying my own way. Cause it's like, Everything happens for a fucking reason.
So anyway, I was laid up with food poisoning or fucking salmonilla or whatever and I'm like, trying to delete my Facebook and Instagram just to get away from it all. Then I get a Facebook event notification from Mark like, oh come to another fucking lame ass party at my fucking lame ass cabin. Then, here's the thing. He goes, "I bought a keg for super fucking cheap from this sketchy ass dude on Craigslist."
And it got me thinking how I'd never buy a fucking keg on Craigslist. Like, legit.
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