The Machine is totally (US)ing us, guys...

Let me tell you a story:

I broke my collarbone at a Lorde concert over the summer. Like, Lorde, even though she's what, like 17? She super speaks to me. She got me through my break-up with Bobby who broke up with me because fucking Kim told him I was sleeping with Greg. She then got me through my breakup with Greg who broke up with me because, as he put it, we were "never actually dating." With Lorde, I put on her music and just, like, lose myself. Whenever my parent's are yelling at the maid, Yolanda, about taking up space in our fridge with her fucking smelly ass rice and beans, I just put my headphones in and let Lorde fucking saranade away the drama.

I remember the first time I heard Lorde. I was driving my dad's Range Rover, pouting because I left the fucking AUX cable in my cunt mom's shit-ass Tahoe and what am I going to do, listen to the fucking radio? I was so over it. All the sudden this song comes on and it's, like, actually, not even going to lie, like, GOOD. The lyrics just spoke to me. The first line that goes, something something something something something something GREY GOOSE! I remember thinking, like, oh my god, that's totally me. Because, you may not know, but I'm a shot-girl at Club Julep and guess what we were serving that night?? YUP! GREY GOOSE! It's like, I had to know who the artist was.

So I pull out my phone and open Shazam up to try and figure it out. As I'm not paying attention, I crash into this dumb fuck's dirty ass Corolla. I couldn't believe it. I honestly, like, didn't even need this drama in my life, so I honestly just got out and walked away. Life is way too short to have toxic people in your life.

Fast forward two months, a fucking drama filled court proceeding, and lots of community service
where I fed fucking chunky ass vomit looking soup to homeless veterans (which was, like, super fulfilling, by the way, I recommend it to anyone) later, I finally got my ankle bracelet off and decided to celebrate I'd go see Lorde with my best friend. Since Natalie was at the river that weekend, I called Kim who like, even though we've had a falling out since the Greg drama, is still an important person in my life.

Anyway, long story short, at the concert, EVERYONE HAD THEIR PHONE'S OUT! They were all filming the concert going on, like, ten feet in front of them. It's like, put your phone's down guys, ya know? It was raining and my wedges were all slippery and gross and I ended up falling down the hill breaking my stupid fucking collarbone. So, in conclusion if you don't think you're phone is controlling you... maybe you shouldn't think that.